To Fully Move Forward, All the Cards Have to Be Laid On the Table

I was really disappointed and sad when my husband didn’t spend the day with me, but with his friend instead.  I was really looking forward to Vegas and thought it would be a way to reconnect.  I was excited about the classes, and they related to my husband too.  I thought we could go together then talk about them afterward.  All the other husbands were with their wives in the classes.  Taking notes, absorbing the info, supporting their wife.  I was sad and felt alone.  I should have told him how I felt.  I’m sure if I did he would’ve come.  But the fact that he didn’t come on his own told me he didn’t want to go.

That was the start of it all for me.  I continued to be sad when we got home.  I pulled back and didn’t say anything.  I should’ve been assertive and told him.  But not saying anything only made things worse.  We stopped communicating.  We started fighting.  We fought more in 3 months than we ever have, ever.  Then it got to where I was scared to talk to him or ask him to do anything.  I would literally have to mentally prepare and brace myself when I went to ask him for something because I knew he wouldn’t be happy.  This pulled me from him even more.

I began to talk to my best friend, at, about whether I should get a divorce.  Then he called one day and told me he wanted to go on a cruise…for a split second, I was excited because I thought he wanted to do something with me.  Then he told me he was going with the same friend he brought to Vegas.  I crashed.  I was extremely sad.  I was losing sight of us, our relationship, myself.  I got put on medicine.  I began to feel the only people who ever talked to me were people who needed something from me.  Noone wanted to talk to ME or hang out with ME.  They just wanted my services.

I felt like my husband was always on his phone, playing games, or working.  The medicine took the edge off but didn’t take away the sadness.  I had to pep myself up and put on a fake smile when going to work.  I was faking my way through life.  I felt like I had nothing to say or offer anyone unless it as related to work.